Supermarket Make-Over

In a TV world where we are bombarded with reality shows I think that I have finally hit on an original idea:“Supermarket Make-over”.

I know that there is a segment on Entertainment where the fashion police are out stalking unsuspecting, inappropriately dressed people. This is both embarrassing (for those chosen) and pretty good entertainment.
My show (starring yours truly, of course) would be set in a store like Wegmans or Price Chopper where hurried shoppers would be stopped in the dairy section or at the $6.00 meal bar and given the opportunity for a quick, in-store makeover.
I came on this idea today as I was roaming the “natural” foods section in Wegmans, pondering my purpose in the world and wondering why jars that have only 2 ingredients are 5X more expensive than those that have a list looking like a NASA formula for space shuttle fuel. Shoppers of all shapes, sizes, and dress codes were walking by me and I noticed a particularly attractive young woman with long hair pulled up in a bun, no makeup, with a look of utter dismay on her face. Basically, she looked unhappy; probably in a hurry to shop, or thinking about the long term, unsatisfying relationship she has been in for the last decade. Suddenly, a light bulb went off, and I thought, “What a boost to her day if I could give her a 10- minute facial and makeover, right here between the rice cakes and gluten free pizza.
Yes, she might actually go out of here with a spring in her step, some cool colored lip gloss, and the resolve to dump the creepy boyfriend and start a new life. I know I am getting ahead of myself but I know how much better I feel when I finally DO put make up on in the late morning and do not have to look at the new constellation of age spots that has appeared overnight.

I imagine that I could attract quite an audience for this show, particularly if I used only “products” from the food section I was in. Natural foods would be easy, or even dairy (with a yogurt or egg white facial). But how about a show devoted to “Frozen Make-over’s”? A cold bag of peas can do wonders for those dark circles or tell tale baggy eyes. But what about ice cream, frozen hash browns (look at the ingredient list sometime – big time NASA competition) or even stuffed Stromboli? Yes, I would have to get up pretty early in the morning to think up a beauty use for frozen dough, cheese and tomato sauce, but I am confident that sponsors would clamber at my dressing room door to help me find ideas to apply their multi-ingredient products. Entire new markets would open up creating original careers for unemployed library workers: nutritionist/ electrolysis technician/hair stylist. And yes, devoted readers, I would have my own satellite magazine that would put “Celebrity Hair Do” on the B list.

Of course I would have a guest artist on each show: Someone like retiring manager Lynne Y. who knows how to put the "Y" in STYLE. I can credit any color coordinated outfits I own to Lynne’s fashion sense. She is a shopping force to be reckoned with and can browse an entire rack of clothes and choose the perfect green for me while I am still wandering in men’s accessories. Just imagine what she could do in the Oriental Wok bar?
Wait!! Hold the presses (I have always wanted to say that). As I am writing this I came up with a brilliant idea for the Stromboli: a Stromboli French twist with the frozen dough used as the base to plump up and twist long hair – actually an “Italian twist”. Of course this is not a long-lasting hairdo but think about the advantage to this on a hot summer day (like today). I have a feeling if Little Miss Unhappy from the natural foods section had a cool Stromboli hanging down her neck, she would have incentive to go home and kick some you know what with the bad boyfriend.

Maybe all of this is just a pipe dream, or my dream of celebrity, or even a result of my new pharmaceutically lowered blood pressure?
Anyway, Stay tuned and the next time you see ME I might be making over YOU!!